Day 3 of Snowmageddon 2011.
The storm was mean, really mean.
Benny and his band of 1 were really layin it on me....and they knew all the tricks.
The storm was mean, really mean.
Benny and his band of 1 were really layin it on me....and they knew all the tricks.
Screaming, begging, tugging, clinging, crying, following. These were no amateurs.
The sauce was calling me. I had every intention of waiting until noon for that glass of wine, but 11:59 was taunting me, so I had to make it my b*tch. My nerves were rattled, there was only so much I could take being cooped up with these animals. The dogs, too.
Hard to tell which one is the leader. The tall one is the brains, but the small one is the heavy. Genius, really. You strenghten one by focusing on the other.
They had me and they knew it.
The sauce was calling me. I had every intention of waiting until noon for that glass of wine, but 11:59 was taunting me, so I had to make it my b*tch. My nerves were rattled, there was only so much I could take being cooped up with these animals. The dogs, too.
Hard to tell which one is the leader. The tall one is the brains, but the small one is the heavy. Genius, really. You strenghten one by focusing on the other.
They had me and they knew it.
Day one, they worked on my soft side. Cuddles and "oooh, look at the snow".
Really played me like a fiddle.
Day two, why didn't I see it?! They were slowly but surely making their demands, setting me up.
Day three, they're cracking me like a nut and I'm powerless against them.
I thought the short one was asleep, so I let down my guard and ran a hot bath with lavendar. It was a trap. Two to nine consecutive verses of "scooby dooby doo" over the monitor. Man, this kid is good.
Shhh, what's that? It's calling me. "Mommy..." A word they use every 14 seconds. It's in their native tongue, I think it means 'waitress'.
I thought the short one was asleep, so I let down my guard and ran a hot bath with lavendar. It was a trap. Two to nine consecutive verses of "scooby dooby doo" over the monitor. Man, this kid is good.
Shhh, what's that? It's calling me. "Mommy..." A word they use every 14 seconds. It's in their native tongue, I think it means 'waitress'.
Then, "I need to go tee tee". It's the small one again, what are they up to now?
Then the big one asks to play a game. He has cards.
What kind of sick trap is this?
Sure, Benny (if that is your name). We stare. I have him this time. "Have you cleaned your room like I asked"?
Oh, God. There's stuff coming from his eyes. D*ammit, I knew it, another set up. Something about Legos. I'm powerless!!
When will this nightmare end? Wait, what is that peeeking through my blinds? I think I'm hallucinating. No, it's...it's....it's either the sun or the Son of God. Whatever it is, it's my only hope.
***Will she make it? Will she, can she, take back control of her own home? Will the snow plows hurry the f*ck up and clear the path to the school?! Tune in tomorrow, if there actually is a tomorrow.***
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